Wednesday, January 23, 2008

kicking things

there are some days that leave me wanting to kick things. hard. i want to kick things because i realize i have no control over my students' lives. i want to kick harder because i have to let go and let them walk out the door every night knowing i can't control what will go on until they walk in the door again. i want to pound my fists on the table and cry. if you're six, or 10, life should be fair. your family should be a safe place to be, you should have parts of your life you can count on. and the fact that you can't makes me want to kick things so they'll break. which is exactly why i can't kick. because breaking things doesn't make it any better. it doesn't make the world fair or put the pieces back together.

so instead i'll try to focus on the laughter i saw today while my first graders were making chocolate mud-pies. or the way i watched two brothers take turns wiping one another's tears at different times in the day. or the fabulous co-workers who were willing to drop their planning periods to lend a hand, stay after school to offer advice, or just listen to me sort through it all.

even when my days are terrible, i still know i have one of the best jobs there is.


M said...

I saw you today, sitting on the floor of the hallway with a child in your arms. He wanted to go one way, and you were insisting in the kindest possible way, he go the other. There was an IA standing near you. Our AP, a former special educator, walked up and asked if you needed anything. I (also a former special educator) walked by knowing if I stopped it might escalate and you were already surrounded with support. I knew you were not having trouble doing your job. You were doing your job as excellently as it could be done. That's serious support for a special educator. We work in a great place. You're one reason why. Hang in there.

Anonymous said...

It's always so odd to read your blogs about your frustrations. I observe you no less than five times in a day and you always look cheerful.
I've told you in person that your blog entries have totally changed the way I looked at particular students. There are a couple who made me bonkers, as I couldn't figure out how to work with them effectively. Even though you've given no clues as to who they are, working across the hall from you, I can figure it out. Your words about these children have given me such insight and have caused me to see them in a hugely different way. I work with them so much better now. You not only help kiddies, you help their teachers. Thank you. jj