Coping Our Lowest Common Behavior

"NO PINO NO" my year and a half old daughter screamed at my cat. "NO!"

I was horrified. The voice she was using was not her usual pleasant voice. It was not her usual disgruntled voice. You know the, "I'm almost two but I think I should be 16 and get to drive the car myself" voice.

It was mean, impatient, and it was MINE. The intonation, the exasperated sigh, the way she delivered the NO. All mine.

My husband and I have been very, very careful about our language around our daughter. Our daycare provider pushes positive language. She's very clear about the language we should use at home. We aren't suppose to say no, instead we say "no thank you". We say a lot of "Not for playing", "Food is for eating"
"Crayons are for coloring"

All language I use in the classroom. State the correct purpose of something to redirect the behavior. And if you say no, add "thank you" so that when your child decides to use that word over and over again at least they'll be polite. (So far I believe this has worked for every child in the daycare except mine).

So in all our hard work, where did she get this mean tone? I wondered as I listened to her repeat "NO! DADDY's FOOD! NO PINO!"

We are firm but polite in front of her. We work hard on this. We even make a point of monitoring each other. We've taught our daughter to love the cat. "Pet her gently," we say, "pat, pat, pat".

Then I realized that although we are very intentional about how we talk to each other and how we talk to her we aren't so kind with our cat. We don't say "No thank you" to the cat. We kind of yell at the poor thing and throw stuff to get her to move. In the mornings the cat plays this game where she lays down in front of the door and refuses to move. We can't leave the house. We're late. When we try to leave she fake bites our feet. It's not pretty. Did I mention we are late? So occasionally we lose it. It's not very polite to our poor kitty.

All of our good language and good teaching goes out the window. She copies our lowest behavior. We've shown her it is OK to talk to the cat like this, which occasionally transfers over to how she talks to us or her friends. Despite all of our good intentions and efforts, the moments of our worst behavior are what she copies.

The same is true for our kids in school. We model, teach and re-teach how to be nice to each other. We model eye contact, using polite words, listening with respect, and using friendly voices. But that one moment we snap we can undo it all. Our actions speak louder than our words and our kids are watching. Our impatience teaches them it is OK to lose your cool when you're impatient, despite who it hurts. It is OK to use mean words or be bossy when you're tired or not feeling well. But they don't hold it in for those few moments like we do- they let it out on the playground- testing out the behavior like they are trying on a dress- it worked for my teacher, can it work for me?

We can't be perfect all the time, but we can be conscious of our behavior patterns. We're working really, really hard at being nice to our cat now. We say "no thank you" to the cat a lot. We give the cat choices and warnings (and although we feel crazy it's working- the cat likes it better too). It won't be perfect, but being aware of the problem is better than continuing it.

Getting Books into their Hands

How do we construct children? Christopher Meyers* asked yesterday at a panel on Picture Books Through the Ages hosted by Politics and Prose.   On first read the topic of the panel- picture books through the ages- could be expected to be light and fluffy. Children books. Picture books. Beautiful pictures. Lovely stories. Happy memories of our childhood. Luckily this is not the direction the panel went. In fact, it was pointed out that Goodnight Moon, arguably the world's most quintessential children's book, was actually a pretty dark book if you think about it, and in being dark it helps children struggle with their fear of the dark and even death (goodnight air, goodnight nothing). 

The authors and publishers quickly jumped into the discussion of how we get books into the hands of all readers, but especially our neediest readers- the kids who don't have easy access to books. Like with seemingly so many things, the best quality books are the most expensive, leaving the quick and easily accessible books- the Doritos and cheap candy bar books- as our children's first introductions to owning and interacting with texts. Cheaply published books from movies, adapted from TV shows, or just books that required little imagination and were easy to publish are put in shopping carts as an afterthought- impulse book buying. Our kids, many kids, aren't getting to own their very own version of a nice hard covered book. They aren't getting to interact with a story over and over again- a story they own- a story they can examine the pictures, re-write in their heads, connect to, think about, and then carry around like a teddy bear. Books are expensive, and picture books- the good ones- the meaningful, thought provoking ones- are not in many family's budgets. As a teacher, particularly a teacher in a low income school, I'm willing to bet you've watched one of your students walk around with a book as though it is his teddy bear. Not reading it, but holding it because the mere presence of the book is a reminder of the child's connection to the story.

Constructing children was an idea that Meyers came back to repeatedly.  As adults we decide what books we deem 'kid worthy'. Are the darker, brooding books worthy of our children? Are we comfortable allowing our children to struggle with ideas in children's literature, or do we lean towards the whimsy, trying to keep our kids innocent and carefree? I admit I've actually hidden all the Disney Princess books in my house. If I'm honest I will admit that I'm desperately trying to construct my daughter's childhood to not include these characters. (We'll see how long I can keep this up.)This question itself could be an entire thesis, yet I realize that the mere idea of being able to construct a childhood is a luxury.

We get to make these decisions (good or bad) for our children in middle to upper middle class households. We have the disposable income to buy quality books. Many of our children aren't given the opportunity to get their hands on even the most whimsical books. And, like the authors and publishers discussed yesterday, those children often need the quality books the most.  Reading may not be something they do often outside of school. If they are going to become life long readers they need to have a reason to They need access to books that make them reflect on their own lives, books that help them feel connected to the world, give them something to relate to, or just give them a reason to laugh.

It was heartbreaking to hear the authors themselves struggle with this, listening to them reflect on knowing that their work isn't getting into the hands of the readers who need their books the most. Yet it also made me hopeful. This isn't just a problem  we're fighting against as teachers. If others see it- if the writers and publishers acknowledge it- we're further along the path of solving the problem. 

There are programs that get books into the hands of kids, and some of those programs even get good books into the hands of kids. But we need more.

The librarian at the Think Tank did amazing things with her program when she shifted the focus of the library from protecting the books to getting books into kids' hands. She dropped the limit of how many books children could check out. Suddenly, they could check out as many as they could carry. Any book they dropped leaving the library had to be left behind, but otherwise they could walk out with books stacked to their chins (and they did). Returning books was no longer a barrier to getting to check out new books either. She kept close tabs on them, contacted parents to let them know books were overdue, and had children work off their lost book fines. But nothing was going to stop them from taking home new books every week. Teachers were never held to returning books on time either. If we wanted to check out books and keep them all year we could. She knew that in our classroom libraries they'd be getting read and re-read as much as they would in the general library. She even changed our school book fair, moving away from the traditional Scholastic book fair to a different publisher who sold more paper back books. This was huge- suddenly our kids could afford to buy the books being sold at school. 

She got books into the hands of kids.It took all of us to step back and examine our practices and realize that our traditional practices weren't necessarily helping our kids read. And it worked. Our kids were reading. Constantly. Yes books got lost and never returned, but careful budgeting for lost books and the understanding that books are truly getting read makes up for the financial loss. It's easy to keep pristine books safely on the shelf if no one is reading them.

*My auditory memory isn't up to journalistic quality. I believe this is the direct quote, but I am not 100% sure. 

Being Heard

CEC's summary of our event last Wednesday.

A Nation of Wimps?

Read this from Psychology Today. It's long, but read it anyway. Try not to cry. Then look at when it was published. First in 2004. TWO THOUSAND AND FOUR. It's only gotten worse.

If you don't read all of it here's the excerpt on the importance of play. I think it speaks for itself.

Arrivederci, Playtime

In the hothouse that child raising has become, play is all but dead. Over 40,000 U.S. schools no longer have recess. And what play there is has been corrupted. The organized sports many kids participate in are managed by adults; difficulties that arise are not worked out by kids but adjudicated by adult referees.

"So many toys now are designed by and for adults," says Tufts' Elkind. When kids do engage in their own kind of play, parents become alarmed. Anderegg points to kids exercising time-honored curiosity by playing doctor. "It's normal for children to have curiosity about other children's genitals," he says. "But when they do, most parents I know are totally freaked out. They wonder what's wrong."

Kids are having a hard time even playing neighborhood pick-up games because they've never done it, observes Barbara Carlson, president and cofounder of Putting Families First. "They've been told by their coaches where on the field to stand, told by their parents what color socks to wear, told by the referees who's won and what's fair. Kids are losing leadershipskills."

A lot has been written about the commercialization of children's play, but not the side effects, says Elkind. "Children aren't getting any benefits out of play as they once did." From the beginning play helps children learn how to control themselves, how to interact with others. Contrary to the widely held belief that only intellectual activities build a sharp brain, it's in play that cognitive agility really develops. Studies of children and adults around the world demonstrate that social engagement actually improves intellectual skills. It fosters decision-making, memory and thinking, speed of mental processing. This shouldn't come as a surprise. After all, the human mind is believed to have evolved to deal with social problems.

By Hara Estroff Marano, published on November 01, 2004 - last reviewed on February 19, 2013

Talk Moves Success

Back in March I wrote about trying to use "talk moves" with my students with intellectual disabilities. Talk Moves are the new teacher-term for ways to get your students engaged while teaching. Asking your students to turn and talk to one another, asking them to justify their thinking ("How do you know?"), or to restate what another student said. 

I'd loved using these when I was a general education teacher and I was excited when I came up with a way to use them with my class. I wasn't sure how it would work and exactly how beneficial it would be, but I knew I'd seen growth when using them in the general education classroom. If nothing else it means that my students would know what was going on when they were in their inclusion settings.

So for three months now we've been using these strategies during morning meeting, particularly when it comes time to discussing the weather. Every day we turn and talk about the weather. Then I ask how they know what the weather is. At first I had to give them a prompt "Did you look in a book or out the window?"

On Thursday the weather was iffy. It was kind of cloudy, kind of sunny, and maybe a bit rainy. Each talking partner pair came up with a different answer. When one student said "It is cloudy" Rock Star loudly said, "NO! It is sunny." I asked her to politely restate her opinion by saying "I disagree" and then I said, "Why do you think that?" not having any idea what I'd get from her. Why questions are usually not met with any logical reasoning in my class. 

"I looked out the window!" she said confidentially, and pointed out the window, justifying her opinion to her friend.

It seems little, but oh, in that moment I gave her a huge high five and we all cheered. 

1) She'd answered a WHY question. Appropriately

2) She'd justified her thinking- something we try to get kids to do in gen ed

3) Unprompted she was able to tell me how she knew something. She's starting to get it. She's starting to understand that you don't just KNOW things because your brain tells you them- you can actively find them out.

I was on cloud 9. Of course, when I turned to her friend and asked her how she knew it was cloudy she said something about Halloween, so I didn't stay on cloud 9 for long.

But it's working. Slowly we will get there. My kids, our kids, they are KIDS who benefit from the same strategies used with gen ed kids. 

(Not) Managing Life While Teaching

There is a hole in my kitchen ceiling. Back in July an overly ambitious plumber put it there trying to find the pipes (in his defense he was our third plummer in our quirky old house and he was absolutely determined to do what the other two couldn't.)  At the time we'd called contractors and handy men and they all said they were too busy with Derecho work to help us out. School started and we quickly realized that we wouldn't have a chance to get it fixed until next July.

It's not pretty. It's jarring when you walk into the kitchen. People who have been to our house multiple times look at us in confusion and ask nicely if we'd like the name of a good handy man.

Yes, we say. Someone who works on Saturdays only. And who takes calls after business hours. And will only call us after business hours.

It's nearly impossible to get things done when you're a teacher. We don't get to just pop in and out of school for the little things in life. Popping in and out of school means substitutes, lesson plans, leaving lessons un-taught, getting off pace with our planning, and just creating a general break in routine for our students. And in my district you have to get a substitute for a minimum of three hours. If I want to be home to meet with contractors I have to dedicate 3 hours of my precious, precious sick time.

I have a doctors appointment that I keep cancelling. I don't want to tell you the last time I had a physical, but I finally found the time to make an appointment. Then a meeting came up so I postpone the appointment a week. Then another meeting. Then a child is having a rough week and I know I can't take off.
Don't ask me the last time I've been to the dentist. Baby L was prescribed physical therapy. That's on hold until the summer.

Before Baby L it was different because I could risk the occasional doctors appointments and household chore hours. Now I have to save my sick time for being home with a toddler who is exposed to all kinds of germs in daycare.

Occasionally I'll meet someone who went into teaching because it gave them the same schedule as their kids. This confuses me. I know other professions make it difficult to take off from work as well (I mean, Mr. Lipstick is equally responsible for the hole-in-the-kitchen phenomena) but he manages to get to the doctor. He can leave work for an hour or so. It's not easy on anyone, but it is possible. Teaching is that strict set schedule that doesn't allow you to be flexible for life. As a carefree 20 something when you don't have to be flexible this isn't too bad. As a parent it is ridiculously hard. I know so many moms missing their "muffins for mom" breakfasts just to host their own.

At some point I'll fix the hole in our kitchen (and yes, I'd love the name of your contractor/handy man/ neighbor who wants to get into the business).

RESPECT Teacher Movement

As we were getting up to leave from our teacher conversation at the Department of Education on Wednesday afternoon the discussion leaders handed out a leaflet on a new teaching movement coming out of the Department of Ed called RESPECT Teaching.
The ED website states that Recognizing Educational Success, Professional Excellence,and Collaborative Teaching (RESPECT), is a teacher-led movement that has been two years in the making. I'm fascinated, hopeful, and a bit hesitant all at once.

The opening paragraphs in the Blueprint published in April 2012 reads like a teacher call-to-arms. Acknowledging our hard work, dedication and commitment to our jobs, while also stating that our children need more. It lays out a plan for reform that (in my opinion) should have been put in place in the beginning, before NCLB brought teachers vs politicians at war with one another.

The Blueprint doesn't look like it changes anything about current reform methods, or that it is calling for dramatic decrease in testing. What it does is bring teachers into the reform discussion, honoring their talent and hard work and acknowledging what teachers truly need as professionals to grow and thrive.

Reading it makes me excited to be a teacher and gives me a desire to see reform in action. I see my current school within the profession it describes- a focus on continuous growth, an emphasis on collaboration, a positive school culture that leads to the successful education of students, and an engaged community that plays a strong roll in the school. All of these are a part of the seven critical components of the RESPECT project.

I worry that it may be too late. If the Bush administration had rolled this out along with No Child Left Behind we may have reacted to the mandate differently. The only difference in RESPECT and current practices is that it comes from teachers themselves, and instead of saying "we need improvement" instead acknowledges true difficulties in the profession, highlights ways we can improve ourselves while being positive yet firm about the need for growth and change. It doesn't change what is currently happening in education policy, but it states what is happening from a teacher prospective.

What if this was how the education reform movement started?  When high stake testing was introduced to us it was to "hold us accountable", implying that if one didn't hold us accountable we would simply let the children eat bon-bons and watch movies. As educators we became defensive (and rightly so) as the world seemed to turn against us. Reforms didn't come from within, but from politics. Wait, we screamed, we are accountable! We are hard workers! We don't need tests to prove that! What the world heard was "we don't want change" and the political spin became "lazy teachers don't care if children learn".

Sadly, now the RESPECT movement reads like a nice thought, but skeptical educators who are tired of constant reform will see it as a wolf in sheep's clothing, trying hard to win over the teachers in the midst of the war.

Personally I read it with regret and wonder what our schools would look like if a teacher-led movement like this had started education reform. I can only dream of where we'd be.