breathing...1,2,3

the wave of panic hit yesterday as i went to open my word documents to pull up the paper for grad school i'd worked diligently on last week. despite having my sister and brother-in-law in town i rudely locked myself in my office and forced myself to work on my many papers that are due this week and last week for the various classes.



so why wasn't my paper there, sitting quietly in it's sub-folder, waiting to be revised and checked one last time for proper apa format?



panic. it wasn't there. everything else i worked on sunday was in its proper place, but not this one. it wasn't in recent documents. it wasn't in my recycled items. the search option pulled up nothing. i restarted my computer. nothing. i logged into my school's network to see if it had landed itself there. nope. nothing.



and no, i had not saved it on a thumb drive, or emailed it to myself, or printed a version of it, as friends asked over google chat while i was freaking out. no, nothing that smart. but if i had, i wouldn't be panicking, would i?



i started to sweat. after a day of moving boxes, tables, and computers and then sprinting to grad school class for 3 hours i was slightly exhausted. and a bit overwhelmed with everything i have looming in front of me for grad school this week when all i really want to do is make pretty visual schedules for my kiddos, organize my files, and plan with my co-teachers. i do not want to re-write a paper i've already spent hours on.



how can it just disappear? i honestly started looking under the couch cushions as though it remarkably printed itself and then hid itself somewhere in the house. i was tempted to tear the computer apart, like the male-models in zoolander, looking for files 'in the computer'.



eventually, around 10pm last night, my husband and i tried yet another set of variables in the search files. with the right key word, specific date (not the actual dates), and asking it to look in 'hidden files'. i didn't know my computer had 'hidden files'. why does it hide its files from me? however computer, while you may have found the hide-and-seek game funny, we beat you. we found it. i almost cried.



i'm a tad worried about the next two weeks. i didn't handle the 'losing the paper' ordeal well. this back-to-school week with grad school every day might not be setting me up for success. i apologize in advance for any snarky posts, or if you see me in school sprinting down the hallway rudely. i'm going to my best, but i'm not sure i have it in me.



and i suspect my computer is protesting from too much use this summer. i think its out to get me.



and did i mention 5:40 is early??