*** the actions of me in this blog are partial dramatized to stay with the theme of the book. please don't think i said some of the things i'm writing.**
today was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad special ed day. not that kind where a kid throws up on you, or has a temper tantrum, or doesn't make it to the toilet.
the kind where you feel like every step you take is two steps backwards from where you want to be. the kind where you know you could be doing a better job if you only had time to do it.
today i woke up and remembered that pixie's moving to kenya- i've always wanted to go to kenya, but i don't want pixie to go to kenya. i stomped my feet and told them not to take pixie. i crossed my arms over my chest and refused to get up out of my seat. it doesn't matter what i did- she still has to move.
when pixie started crying today we had to pretend everything was ok because we don't know if she knows about kenya. so we had to pretend it was all about the painting center. and we knew it wasn't about the painting center.
maybe i'll move to kenya with pixie.
we have two super-special preschool meetings coming up and we were suppose to only have one. i said, we only have time for one. we only have a room to have one. i tried to say that i'd die if we had two.
we have to have two.
maybe i'll move to kenya with pixie. i bet there are no super special preschool meetings in kenya.
i sat down to read alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day with some kiddos and one kid said it reminded him of how he felt when his mom hit him. which reminded me of my other student who said that knuffle bunny reminded him of when he cried because his dad kicked him. and then i tried not to cry.
but really i wanted to punch these parents.
i've tried to say, 'if you hit your child again i quit. i tried to say that 'if you take off your belt one more time and hit your kid i'll hit you with my belt'.
i think i'll move to kenya with pixie.
i forgot to pack my lunch this morning and already owed the cafeteria money, so all i had was some soup i keep in my desk. it was good soup, but i was hungry. i was still hungry after lunch.
in the afternoon i had a meeting that wasted my time. the presenter knew it wasted our time. she said, "i know you all know this already. it's the same as last year." she did it anyway because that's what we do in special ed.
i thought about calling kenya. maybe in kenya nobody wastes your time with stupid meetings.
today i looked at my schedule and i wont be in my classrooms tomorrow because of meetings. and i hate meetings.
yesterday somebody watched me working with my bff when he was trying to attack me with scissors. today they told me i should be firmer. they don't know how firm i was being before he came after me with scissors. they don't know my bff. and they don't know i was already in a really bad mood and didn't want to talk about being firmer.
if i could make being firmer not send him into a tale spin i would. when i'm firm in the classroom i worry about the other kids getting hurt.
this afternoon i got a 300 page fax from another school. i brought it home to read it. i haven't read it yet. maybe if i move to kenya i wont have to read it.
tonight mr. lipstick has to go to a church meeting. good for mr. lipstick because he wont be able to listen to me rant about my day. but he wont be able to stop me from planning my trip to kenya.
tonight might be a two wine glass night. maybe tomorrow will be better.
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on the plus side: in guided reading today my kids got really frustrated because the simple guided reading book didn't give them the answers they had about the bugs in the book, so, after realizing i was getting nowhere with making them read the book i stopped and let them ask their questions. then i asked them to write a letter to the librarian asking how they could find the answers to their questions.
they worked SO hard on these letters, which turned out to be such a more meaningful guided writing activity than forcing the guided reading book down their throats.
sometimes following the kids' lead is such a better teaching experience than making them follow my lead.
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so, maybe today wasn't all that bad, i just left feeling frustrated that there is never time to do enough.