Being brand new at something is really, really hard. I should remember this when working with the kindergartners who have never been expected to stand in line, sit criss-cross applesauce, or share with 20+ kids before.
Tomorrow I have my first big special ed meeting. Due to my own newness and just general not knowing how the time-line works, I'm already 'out of compliance' with the timing of the meeting. This means I can expect a letter from the county telling me I did something wrong. I had no idea it was possible to do it wrong, but I did. Now I have to go into all this hoping I wont do anything else wrong so the county wont send me more letters. I'm about as nervous as I was the night before I had to defend my thesis to a board of very scary religion professors who thrived on making seniors cry.
I remember my first year teaching being told I was doing guided reading wrong. I wish I had said, "Of COURSE I am doing guided reading wrong. I don't even know what guided reading is! How on earth could I possibly be doing it right?" Instead I just felt terrible that I hadn't know what it was, and had been doing it wrong regardless of not knowing.
Being new is no fun. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change my new job for the world, but I have to settle in and know it is ok to have a learning curve. There are things I don't know, therefore I will be wrong sometimes. I will mess up. I will make mistakes. This is ok. I'll learn from them.
I don't like making mistakes.
Being new is no fun.