Wednesday, June 4, 2008

10 more days

i may actually be one of the few people who isn't counting...

don't get me wrong, i am looking forward to the morning i can sleep in and then sit on my new porch with coffee and a book and stay in my pajamas all day long. go to the gym in the middle of the day. meet my husband for lunch on the roof of his building in the city. go to museums. sleep.

but since this was my first year in special ed, i'm not ready to chalk it up as over. there are things i wanted to do this year that i haven't. goals left to meet, concepts to teach, different ways to organize my paperwork. i have come to realize that i am an odd sort of perfectionist. i'm not type a as it is classical thought of, but i can't let something go until i think its perfect. and if its not perfect i have to do it again until it is. in the shower this morning i was thinking of everything i want to fix in the last 2 weeks, everything i need to put right so that i can consider the year a success. its a long list...

so i'm not ready for this year to be over. i know exactly what i want to do next with the kids, and i'm not ready to let them loose for the summer. and what about the paperwork i never organized in a productive way? not next year, i want to fix it now!

with picnics, field day, celebrations, and testing there is no time to meet with kids or get everything done. so i'm going to have to suck it up, say its ok if things weren't perfect, and decide to get it next time.

and just when i decided yesterday it's ok to be over, one of my kids gave me a bear hug with such enthusiasm that once i was able to breath again, i couldn't help but think, well, if he's happy to see me then maybe we how can we put this energy toward guided reading... except that guided reading is almost over.
have i mentioned i'm not good at letting go?

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