Tuesday, August 28, 2007

I don't like to share.

I don't. I've finally gotten good at admitting it. I'm not good at sharing. I don't like sharing my food at restaurants, and I don't like buying books with friends "to share". I don't like group work. If I have a problem I like to fix it myself to see if I can do it. I like my own things. I like to do things at my pace.

So I really don't like to share big things, like my kids.

They've hired a new special ed teacher, which is fabulous. We qualify for one with our numbers, which means our case loads will get smaller. This is great, except... I don't want to give anyone up.

We're a month into school. I know these kids. I know their parents. I know the books they like and the way they scrunch up their face when they get frustrated. They are challenging me and I want to follow them through to the end.

This is not fair to them. I'm making it about me. They deserve a special ed teacher who has more time. Maybe even someone who knows what they are doing more than I do. I know these facts. I can state them professionally. I can logically reason that it is best if we split up our caseloads. But I don't have to be happy about it.

If I was a kindergartner right now I would pout in the corner. I would hold onto my kids until I was told I'd miss recess if I didn't share. I might even miss a teeny, tiny bit of recess just because I didn't share a little while longer just to see if the teacher was serious. When I did hand them over I'd go sit with my head down for awhile and stomp my feet so everyone would know I was mad.

But I'm not a kindergartner. I'm suppose to be an adult. Not to mention a professional who is being paid to look out for the best interest of the kids. So fine. Take some of them if you have to.

But you can't make me happy about it.

1 comment:

Suzanne G. said...

It's not just that you are already attached, it's that you don't want the individuals to think that you chose to get rid of them. Why not have the kids in on the choosing? Pulling names out of a hat or the like. How cool it would be for a child to know that both teachers want them so badly. Were I 5, I'd think that I was rejected by you unless I saw that you both wanted me. Just something to think about.