I've been asked to give a talk at my church about children with special needs. Since I compose my thoughts best through writing I thought I'd plan for it by writing here.
This topic is incredibly broad. It's almost impossible to decide what to broach first. It's like asking, "talk about parenting" or "talk about all the different children and their parenting needs."
Children are children
The label "special needs" implies that some children are normal and some are not. There is a mental line we tend to draw between the two that easily sorts children for us. But let's be honest- no child is "normal". Every child has his or her own quirks, strengths, special skills, and areas of concern. My husband is constantly amazed/frustrated that child development isn't a clear science- how are children so different? How come ours didn't walk until 14 months and his niece walked at 12? And that kid we saw on the playground- he was walking at 11 months!
What's important to keep in mind is that our children, the children in our schools, our communities, our children first. When you think of the characteristics of your child you think of what makes them laugh, their smile, what makes them cry, when they need a hug, what their favorite toys are, or what they need to fall asleep at night. Whether or not they are a child with a disability doesn't change those characteristics. Children are still children, with or without a label. Sometimes we make the mistake of seeing the disability and not the child.
Whenever I read the Holland story I find myself tearing up because I've watched so many parents go through this journey. I can't begin to comprehend it myself, and I get the benefit of knowing the child first in the immediate moment. I get to know the amazing child where they are at this particular moment in time. Not being their parent I don't experience a loss of a dream, I just get to focus on the child's current strengths and needs.
Parenting in public
One of the aspects I think must be the most difficult in parenting a child with special needs is the outside world. Even with a typically developing child I experience the judgement of other parents. Why do we do that to each other? Little Lipstick melted down in the grocery store a few months ago and not one but two people, complete strangers, told me she was spoiled. They didn't know she'd skipped her afternoon nap, had been sick, and was at the end of a very long day. I felt awful. I never wanted to go into public again. I was torn between wanting to stick my daughter in a corner and let her cry to prove to strangers that she wasn't spoiled, or to cuddle her and tell the strangers to go stick it. That was once and it still bothers me.
Children with disabilities have an even more difficult time in public. Grocery stores are overwhelming places. There is noise, signs designed to get your attention, strangers, people not observing personal space, food you aren't allowed to eat, and distracted parents. Even for children with learning disabilities grocery stores are demanding. Trying to navigate the strange place, read faces, compensate for difficulties in remembering what your mother just told you- it can be too much. Meltdowns too easily lead to judgement and I've worked with many parents who feel trapped in their own homes, scared to go out because of what others may say.
The public is a harsh world. I've heard of people making business cards so that when people judge their child's tantrums they can hand them a card that says "This is Johnny. He has autism". We as people must be nicer to one another. Withhold our judgement of the parents in the grocery store- we never know the true story behind each parent's struggle.
We also must be careful to never blame the parent for the disability. A child doesn't have an intellectual disability because the parents didn't teach her the letters. A child isn't autistic because the mother didn't provide the right structure and love in the house.
Accepting the disability:
When I worked in kindergarten special ed I was a part of a team who would tell parents for the first time that there were concerns about their child's development. It is awful to sit down and broach these concerns with a family, particularly when the family has no idea- it is the oldest child, they are not around other children very often, and they do not see their child's characteristics as different.
Accepting the disability can be difficult. I've watched many parents struggle with it. They worry that the label will mean that the school will write off the child, that people will have low expectations, that giving the child the label will give them the disability. They worry that the school or doctors doesn't know the child like they do- that the school is seeing something that isn't really there.
These are legitimate concerns. They can't be overlooked. I have seen children wrongly identified by a school who was too quick to push the paperwork through. But I've also seen children struggle without help because the parents were not ready to accept the label. It's always heart breaking to see a child who could be so much farther along than they are because they didn't get the help they needed early on.
It's important to remember that the label doesn't change who the child is. The same child who goes to bed the night after you sign the paperwork is the same child who woke up that morning. The child himself doesn't change. The services that are offered to the child change, but nothing should change the relationship the parent has with the child, who the child is, and what the parent's goals are for that child.
In many school systems the label can give your child what your child needs to be successful. It gives your child additional attention, additional resources, access to physical therapists, occupational therapists, additional technology, additional legal rights, additional data collection and monitoring than the typical child. These are not bad things.
The important thing to remember with the school system is that you don't have to sign anything the day of the meeting. You can think about, take a copy of the paperwork home. You can bring your own support systems to the meeting so that it doesn't feel like you against the school. (And it shouldn't ever feel that way). You are a part of the IEP team, the most important part in many ways, and you have a voice at the table. There is a page on the IEP where your concerns can be voiced. Anything you want can be added there.
It's a topic I could talk forever about, but the broadness of the topic almost has me at a loss for words- where to begin, and when to finish. There is so much to say. Yet the most important thing to remember is that children are children. The children in our community are our children. We must treat them like we do all children, including them as we would other children, considering their preferences and needs while still maintaining the expectation that they are a part of our community, and withholding judgement from parents.
Showing posts with label good parent sighting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label good parent sighting. Show all posts
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
boundary debates
I was thrilled to stumble upon Jay Mathew's article in the Washington Post about parents protesting the changing boundary lines because they want their children in a more diverse school, not the school with higher test scores. It's nice to know that there are parents out there looking beyond school ratings based on test scores and thinking about the education their child is actually getting. I know students who attend both high schools mentioned in the article, and I must say, there is a special place in my heart for the students who attend Annandale High. Maybe it's that their motto is the atoms (who does that?), or that attending their homecoming parade reveals a high school not reflected in any movie I've ever seen-it is a true a snapshot of the amazingly diverse, passionate, and active student body.
I wonder about where my own daughter will go to school (years and years from now)- I hope we will be living in an area that will provide her with a diverse yet academically rich school. I'm so glad to know there are parents there that appreciate what the non-test-perfect schools have to offer.
One of the speakers we heard at ISTE discussed the importance of global awareness and how to use technology to expand your students outlook on the world. Jenny and I appreciated the passion the speaker used to discuss global awareness, but we couldn't help but feel that his ideas of using technology to connect with another part of the world was somewhat a waste of our time- because of the diverse make up of our students, even in first grade, have a global awareness that goes beyond that of many adults. Understanding other cultures and our roles within the larger global community is an essential skill for our students to have in the work force. It is one thing the think-tank is able to offer all of our students- right within our classroom walls. These are lessons that cannot be taught during a set social studies block.
(I also appreciate that Jay Mathews notes that his own rating scale can cause parents to want their children at the more high-performing, less diverse school. I have my own problems with that rating scale and I'm glad to see that he acknowledged its role in the boundary debate. As he states in his article, both schools have excellent programs, both are in a county that provides strong teaching and a good education, and both are rated high when compared to the national average. One is just more diverse than the other, and one has a higher poverty rate than the other. A higher poverty rate or lower test scores does not automatically translate into poor teaching or a bad school. One must consider the whole picture)
I wonder about where my own daughter will go to school (years and years from now)- I hope we will be living in an area that will provide her with a diverse yet academically rich school. I'm so glad to know there are parents there that appreciate what the non-test-perfect schools have to offer.
One of the speakers we heard at ISTE discussed the importance of global awareness and how to use technology to expand your students outlook on the world. Jenny and I appreciated the passion the speaker used to discuss global awareness, but we couldn't help but feel that his ideas of using technology to connect with another part of the world was somewhat a waste of our time- because of the diverse make up of our students, even in first grade, have a global awareness that goes beyond that of many adults. Understanding other cultures and our roles within the larger global community is an essential skill for our students to have in the work force. It is one thing the think-tank is able to offer all of our students- right within our classroom walls. These are lessons that cannot be taught during a set social studies block.
(I also appreciate that Jay Mathews notes that his own rating scale can cause parents to want their children at the more high-performing, less diverse school. I have my own problems with that rating scale and I'm glad to see that he acknowledged its role in the boundary debate. As he states in his article, both schools have excellent programs, both are in a county that provides strong teaching and a good education, and both are rated high when compared to the national average. One is just more diverse than the other, and one has a higher poverty rate than the other. A higher poverty rate or lower test scores does not automatically translate into poor teaching or a bad school. One must consider the whole picture)
Friday, February 4, 2011
Questions, questions, questions
I recently sat in on an IEP where a parent brought a long list of questions. While I know some special education teachers deal with this regularly, at my school it is sadly rare. We are use to the parents nodding along as we go, occasionally asking simple questions, and then signing at the end of the meeting. We've had difficult meetings before, but I've never experienced anything quite like this. The parents had put a lot of thought into their questions. They wanted to understand and truly wanted the best for their daughter. They didn't just want to be told "this is how we do it", they wanted to know why. Why did we word a sentence in one way, why is that considered routine, and what does that routine mean for their child?
As daunting as it was (and it was a relief there were so many of us in the meeting to answer the questions!) it was also refreshing. There was something reassuring about knowing a parent was so invested in their child's progress. It's not like we didn't know the answers to the questions. Sometimes it was hard to find the words to explain something that comes second nature to us, but it was an excellent experience. Why do we word something one way and not another? And could we explain it without using the ed-speak we're so accustom to?
I was recently at a routine doctor visit and was asking questions. My grad school research had me questioning some assumptions I'd previously made and I wanted to know why medical practice leaned one way when the research I was reading leaned another way. The doctor was trying very hard to refrain from rolling her eyes as she curtly told me that's just how it was. (I wont be going back to see her anytime soon). I wasn't questioning her out of malice, or because I didn't trust her, I just truly wanted to know- She was the expert and I wanted to get her opinion. I realize it makes her job harder to have me ask questions like that, especially when they are not routine questions patients come up with. But I wanted to know. It's my health, after all.
I felt the same way with the parents at the IEP meeting. It certainly didn't feel like they were attacking us, although we easily could have let ourselves feel that way since it seemed they were questioning what seemed to us like small details. But they wanted to know. They wanted to understand why on earth we were going over so many papers and exactly what all those papers and ed-speak words would mean for their child.
I wish more parents would come to use with such thoughtful questions. As a society we need to stop seeing questions as a sign of 'lack of trust' and instead as a way participants show their involvement and their desire to understand. I hope the parents left feeling confident in what the school could do for their child, and more confident in the IEP process as a whole.
As daunting as it was (and it was a relief there were so many of us in the meeting to answer the questions!) it was also refreshing. There was something reassuring about knowing a parent was so invested in their child's progress. It's not like we didn't know the answers to the questions. Sometimes it was hard to find the words to explain something that comes second nature to us, but it was an excellent experience. Why do we word something one way and not another? And could we explain it without using the ed-speak we're so accustom to?
I was recently at a routine doctor visit and was asking questions. My grad school research had me questioning some assumptions I'd previously made and I wanted to know why medical practice leaned one way when the research I was reading leaned another way. The doctor was trying very hard to refrain from rolling her eyes as she curtly told me that's just how it was. (I wont be going back to see her anytime soon). I wasn't questioning her out of malice, or because I didn't trust her, I just truly wanted to know- She was the expert and I wanted to get her opinion. I realize it makes her job harder to have me ask questions like that, especially when they are not routine questions patients come up with. But I wanted to know. It's my health, after all.
I felt the same way with the parents at the IEP meeting. It certainly didn't feel like they were attacking us, although we easily could have let ourselves feel that way since it seemed they were questioning what seemed to us like small details. But they wanted to know. They wanted to understand why on earth we were going over so many papers and exactly what all those papers and ed-speak words would mean for their child.
I wish more parents would come to use with such thoughtful questions. As a society we need to stop seeing questions as a sign of 'lack of trust' and instead as a way participants show their involvement and their desire to understand. I hope the parents left feeling confident in what the school could do for their child, and more confident in the IEP process as a whole.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Parents want play
I don't know if I am more horrified that this school exists, proud of parents for standing up to the lack of play in kindergarten, or saddened that I'm not all that shocked by the article.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/12/education/12kindergarten.html?_r=1&ref=education
The New York Times reported that parents complained about the lack of unstructured play in kindergarten. The school, who also sends home packets of worksheets for the kindergarten students to complete every week responded by granting the five year olds thirty more minutes of PE a week. I am not sure that PE was the type of unstructured play that promoted brain development the parents had in mind.
I imagine these days you'd be hard pressed to find a public elementary school that doesn't have significantly less unstructured play than it did ten years ago. There is simply to much at stake in the short term to let our children play. But educators who understand child development and are comfortable sacrificing short term gains for long term cognitive growth tend to find creative ways to stick play on throughout the day.
What saddens me the most is that this story truly shows the giant gap between research and practice that exists in education today. Although current research supports play and presents ways of initiating play in the classroom to boost cognitive skills, education policy makers, unfamiliar with child development or education research, ignore these studies.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/12/education/12kindergarten.html?_r=1&ref=education
The New York Times reported that parents complained about the lack of unstructured play in kindergarten. The school, who also sends home packets of worksheets for the kindergarten students to complete every week responded by granting the five year olds thirty more minutes of PE a week. I am not sure that PE was the type of unstructured play that promoted brain development the parents had in mind.
I imagine these days you'd be hard pressed to find a public elementary school that doesn't have significantly less unstructured play than it did ten years ago. There is simply to much at stake in the short term to let our children play. But educators who understand child development and are comfortable sacrificing short term gains for long term cognitive growth tend to find creative ways to stick play on throughout the day.
What saddens me the most is that this story truly shows the giant gap between research and practice that exists in education today. Although current research supports play and presents ways of initiating play in the classroom to boost cognitive skills, education policy makers, unfamiliar with child development or education research, ignore these studies.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
magic wand #2: home/school connection
In Boston I sat in on numerous sessions presenting research on stress, childhood temperament, the effects of poverty on children's brain, and the importance of the home school connection. Once again I couldn't help but think that we're on the right track at the think-tank.
I started to summarize some of the information on the impact of poverty on kids but it's too depressing. I'll save it for another time. Research continues to find exactly what we know- children raised in poverty have so many aspects of their lives working against them that they tend to show less achievement in schools.
I know that in the education field we're not suppose to use this as an excuse, and I'm not arguing that we should- but I do think we need to realize what our kiddos are up against so we can help them fight it. Sure, some kids are resilient even in low socio-economic situations, but we want all kids to be resilient. We have the ability to help the non-resilient kids become more resilient.
One study out of Boston called City Connects brought a parent liaison into the schools- someone to be the connection between the teachers and the parents, encouraging the parents to come in, helping the teachers address the children's strengths and needs when talking to the parents, and supporting the parents with their school needs.
From what was presented to us (I haven't read the actual study) the results were astounding. Parents feel less stressed and feel supported in the school. This of course immediately carries over to the attitudes in the home- parents who are less stressed are more likely to take time to play with their children. SO, parents who feel more supported in school are more likely to show an increase in emotional support given to their children, and an increase in cognitive stimulation. (I'm taking this information from the slides presented at the conference and my notes. The studies cited in the slides is: Dearing, 2004, Dearing, 2008, Dunst, 2010)
The study also found that parents who spend time in high-quality schools pick up on good parenting techniques and begin parenting better.
The study found that schools with a parent liaison had students with higher grades, higher test scores, better work habits and better behavior.
We have something very similar at the think-tank. We have a staffed parent center where parents can come in, use the computers, get help filling out forms, have someone listen to their concerns, help them navigate the school system, and help them connect with teachers. We do programs (I've written about them before) directed at teaching parents about the best way to support their child's learning. This year we're tailoring a series of programs to specially meet the needs of kindergarten parents.
To me, the parent center is one of the most important aspects of our school and it was great to see that a similar program, directly connected with research, is proving that it works.
Beyond the parent center though there are so many ways to bring parents in. I highly recommend checking out the Responsive Classroom book on connecting with parents (I can't remember what it is called right now) as well as Ruby Payne's book on bringing parents into school. Both of these may not be considered research based, but now that we have research that shows connecting with parents works, we know why both these books work so well.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Hopes and Dreams for our kindergarteners: Working with parents
Let me back up for a minute- my school has a parent center, a room relatively near the front of the school where parents can go for English classes, spend time socializing, participate in volunteer activities for the school, use the computers, get information on how to navigate the maze that is public school, and attend our weekly parent coffees. Each Friday morning our parents come together for a presentation on some aspect of school-whether it is explaining how to help their children with their homework, understanding the importance of sleep, or learning about how to prepare for parent teacher conferences. The center is staffed by a parent center coordinator and a Spanish Liaison. Our parent center is one of the elements that makes the Think Tank absolutely rock.
So, when our parent coordinator came up with the idea of hosting programming specifically for parents of kindergarten students I was thrilled. The idea of capturing parents just beginning the school process and being able to help them early on set up routines that will stay with their children for the rest of their academic lives was too powerful to pass up. I knew I had to be a part of this. We plan to hold 4 of these meetings a year, one a quarter, and focus on essential aspects children need to be successful in elementary school.
This morning we hosted our first meeting. Each of the 8 kindergarten teachers submitted 6-8 names of parents in their classrooms who might benefit from this sort of programming. The parents were personally invited by a phone call from the school. We had no idea how many parents to expect- what if our parents just thought kindergarten was another form of baby sitting and were not concerned with hearing what we had to say?
 |
| How to help your child learn to read |
Our parent center coordinator began by having the parents fill out sticky notes to answer 5 questions:
-What are your hopes and dreams for your kindergartner?
-What routines do you have in place at home?
-What can you do to help your child learn to read?
-Why is kindergarten important?
-General questions about kindergarten
The parents were soon up and moving, scribbling their thoughtful reflections and sticking them onto our boards. I wasn't sure the parents would feel comfortable sharing but they soon conquered any hesitancy they had and were proud to add their own sticky note to the collection.
I think we learned so much from just reading their answers to our questions. Walking around the room I found myself with chills from their thoughtful responses and their sincere desires for their children to be wonderful members of society.
 |
| Parents Hopes and Dreams |
Some other hopes and dreams: "go to college & finish his education successfully"
"I hope my child’d go to the good college. He wants to be a doctor."
"I want my child to be a better person that she can be. And I believe education is one of the key things that makes that happen."
"I want my child to be a better person that she can be. And I believe education is one of the key things that makes that happen."
-el sueno para mi hijo en un future seria que el llege a obtener una carrera universitaria
-que sea un doctor o un abogado pero sob rer todo quesea una persona horada y humanitario
-quiero que tenga una carrera universitaria y que este bien preparada
-mis suenos son que mi hijo tenga carrera universitayia y que se un ejemplo para los demas
 |
| Why is kindergarten important? |
When we shared out their notes I watched the parents smile- trying not to give away that it was their addition to the board, but clearly happy to share their thoughts and ideas with the group. They nodded affirmations throughout, sharing their passion for their children's future and their firm beliefs in the importance of kindergarten.
Later in the program we had the parents get into groups and develop bedtime routines and then share out what they'd written. I have to admit when I first heard my parent-coordinator suggest this idea I was skeptical- make them come up with a bedtime routine? Wont they be insulted?
It turned out to be an amazing exercise, mostly because the parents were not learning from us, but instead they were listening to one another's ideas. Their 'aha' moments did not come from being lectured to, but from honest and open conversations with peers.
I loved listening in on their conversations and seeing them whisper ideas or affirmations to one another as they plotted the best way to get a five year old to sleep.
We typed up what our parents shared on their sticky notes to share with the rest of the teachers on the kindergarten team. The insights we gained from the notes will help us prepare for our parent conferences and help us understand what sort of literacy background our children have.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
where they've been
Friday morning I curled up in our school's vault- the small room where we keep all our confidential files. The air conditioning there is broken and I sweated my way through my new students' files- reading important information, making sure they were organized, noting techniques that work, and writing down medical terms I'd need to google later that described treatments or syndromes they'd been treated for in their short five years.
When a child is qualifying for special education his or her parents sit down with a social worker who creates a social history of the child's life. These social histories only reflect what the parent wants to reveal- the social worker asks the questions and records the parents answer with no way to check if the answers are completely truthfully or not.
These social histories give me such insight into the child's life before they enter my classroom doors. Many of the children with special needs in kindergarten were found eligible at the age of two. Their social histories describe high-risk pregnancies and difficult births that already indicate the stress a family was under from early on. Then the histories go into the search for answers- the different doctor opinions, different diagnosis, theories ruled out, difficulty feeding, walking, different schools, developmental milestones postponed. Paragraphs of heartbreak and stress, stated matter of factly within the pages of the eligibility packet.
I'm not a parent, but reading the long paragraphs made me ache for these parents. The answers they've been looking for, the run around they've gotten from doctors, the difficulty of protecting their child's goodness and individuality from the parenting books of typical development. Amongst the blessing of their child the family has been fighting a battle with society, the medical profession, and their own expectations. These files indicate it's been a long five years.
Reading these files allows me to see where the family has been. It prepares me for how to adapt the classroom, how to be ready to differentiate lessons and make the child successful, but more importantly, it gives another level of depth to the child and the family- helps me understand why the family might not care about some of our little kindergarten woes- or why they care so much about others. It reminds me of how much we can't see when we only know the child within our school walls. I can't judge- I have not been on the five year journey- I have not walked in these parents' shoes.
I'm excited for Tuesday when I get to work on giving these little ones a great kindergarten year.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
perspective
I occasionally check in with this blog because I love getting parents' perspectives on children with special needs. The authors' wonderful stories and reflections about her child with Cerebral Palsy help to remind me that the children we work with are part of a family and a community. It keeps things in perspective- our children's struggles and delays do not just impact them academically, but also make going to the grocery store, or through the airport security line, a new adventure. As educators, sometimes what we believe to be the whole picture from our view inside the school is just a small piece of the puzzle.
Yesterday her post was about parents who blaming themselves for their child's special needs. This touched a nerve in the community, because parent after parent added to the comment section, sharing their own guilt and concern for what may have caused their child's disability. Reading each confession about the pain these women feel, the guilt, the analysis they live with every day, the what if questions, the blame they place on themselves, was heart breaking.
Some mentioned doctors who questioned their prenatal drug use, assumed they had not taken the right amounts of folic acid, or berated them for actions the parents never did.
Today I sat at a large conference table with about 10 members of the school staff and 2 parents. We wanted to discuss our concerns for their child, and consider the possibility of special education testing to determine whether or not the child has a disability. I sit in these meetings at least once a month, if not more often, watching the parents faces as they listen to 10 people, most of whom they have not met before, analyze their child's social, emotional, and academic skills.
Most of the time at these meetings we're looking for pieces to a puzzle. We're filling out paperwork and must be able to show a clear picture of the child. We analyze and re-analyze the child's actions. Question the child's performance in church, unstructured activities at home, the park- how are bedtime routines, eating routines? Does the child follow directions the first time you give them? Has the child been in counseling? Have you, as a family been in counseling? What about birth trauma? When did you notice delays? What did the doctors say? What is your child's diet? His bedtime? Why don't you put him to bed earlier?
I've heard people suggest parenting classes more than once at these meetings- just wanting to rule out whether or not the child's difficulties at school come from lack of routine at home, or from some other underlying cause.
We're only trying to do our jobs- fit together pieces of the puzzle so that we don't miss anything. Everyone at the table ultimately wants to help the child, and knows that the only way to do that is to make sure every Evaluation Report is as thorough as possible.
Still.
I can't begin to imagine what this feels like as a parent, particularly a parent who is already wondering if they have caused their child's disability.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
dreaming
The other night I dreamed that when we came back from spring break Amazing stood up from her wheel chair and walked. The minute I woke up from this dream I wanted to go back to sleep- back to the wonderful world where this amazing girl could walk and play with her friends without help from an adult.
When I fully came into consciousness and realized that no amount of sleep would make her walk in reality, I began to get a better sense of how her parents feel. Do they have these dreams as well? Of watching their strong daughter stand up and walk? Of everything developing as it does for other children? My dream haunted me throughout the day, with the feeling of hope and elation I felt in those few seconds of waking before I was able to distinguish between reality and fantasy. She's not my own child- she's one of many I work with on a daily basis- what would those dreams do to me if she was, in fact, my own? If my life centered around her?
Not being a parent myself I work hard to try to understand where parents are coming from when they are dealing with their young child's developmental delays. I don't think any amount of rational thinking would bring me to know the desperate desire of hope that was found from that dream- a desire I can only imagine is 100 times stronger and greater in your own child.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
11th
A few days ago we had a parent teacher conference with the mother of one of our sweet boys. He's one of those little children who may not know the most information in the class, but always works hard, loves learning, tries his best, gets along with his peers, and looks at you with big eyes that just say "I'm so glad I'm here- what can you teach me?" One of those little boys you love teaching.
It was an average parent-teacher conference- through the translator we listened to his mother's work schedule, how she only gets time to spend with him from 9-10, she knows it's late but he stays up to read books with her- and when she doesn't read his library books to him he gets upset. Her love for him came through as she quietly talked about what they do together.
She is a junior in high school.
When I was a junior in high school I was worried about getting into college, whether or not I was ready for the week's cross country race, my friends, boys, and who was taking who to homecoming. And a few years later in college I was still only worried about my college classes, cross country, and frat parties. And I thought my life was busy, crazy, stressful. I thought life was tough, thought I was the busiest person on earth, and that the world revolved around me. I imagine most juniors in high school, and most college students, feel the same way.
I cannot imagine taking care of a kindergartner, worrying about getting to parent-teacher conferences, of thinking about taking care of another person. Getting myself ready for school while getting my child ready at the same time. I would not have known the right questions to ask teachers, would not have known what was important, how to tell what is important, and how manage time to make sure my child.
I sat and listened to her talk about her little family. The love between her and her son is clearly very strong. She's passed on a love of reading to her son. She's showing her son how important learning is as he watches her do her homework, go off to school everyday, and get him ready for school. So much good is happening in that house- good I'm not sure I could have produced in eleventh grade.
It was an average parent-teacher conference- through the translator we listened to his mother's work schedule, how she only gets time to spend with him from 9-10, she knows it's late but he stays up to read books with her- and when she doesn't read his library books to him he gets upset. Her love for him came through as she quietly talked about what they do together.
She is a junior in high school.
When I was a junior in high school I was worried about getting into college, whether or not I was ready for the week's cross country race, my friends, boys, and who was taking who to homecoming. And a few years later in college I was still only worried about my college classes, cross country, and frat parties. And I thought my life was busy, crazy, stressful. I thought life was tough, thought I was the busiest person on earth, and that the world revolved around me. I imagine most juniors in high school, and most college students, feel the same way.
I cannot imagine taking care of a kindergartner, worrying about getting to parent-teacher conferences, of thinking about taking care of another person. Getting myself ready for school while getting my child ready at the same time. I would not have known the right questions to ask teachers, would not have known what was important, how to tell what is important, and how manage time to make sure my child.
I sat and listened to her talk about her little family. The love between her and her son is clearly very strong. She's passed on a love of reading to her son. She's showing her son how important learning is as he watches her do her homework, go off to school everyday, and get him ready for school. So much good is happening in that house- good I'm not sure I could have produced in eleventh grade.
Monday, September 21, 2009
birthday blues
today at a math training we were asked to think of a list of facts we want our children to just know- or have at automaticity (i know i spelled that wrong, but spell check isn't helping). we listed things like numbers 1-20, their names, their last names, their lunch pin numbers, and their birthdays.
the idea that there are children who don't know their birthdays is always shocking, but sadly, there are a surprising amount of children each year who come to school on their birthday and have no idea it is different than any other day. they literally do not know when or even what their birthday is.
this is sad on so many levels, but the more i thought about it the sadder it made me. children learn so many basic concepts we take for granted just by going through the experience of a birthday.
birthdays teach children:
-they are important. one day a year is theirs to celebrate, feel special, valued and loved in their families.
-adding- each year they add one to their previous age. it's their most intimate experience with number concepts.
-the name of at least one month, which means they understand what a month is. they begin to understand how we measure time.
-for children whose birthday falls in the teens or twenties, it is an introduction to what numbers look like after 9 when we go to two digit numbers.
-a sense of time. children who know their birthday is coming learn to wait- how to anticipate something- how to count down until that day.
-the concept of a year. you have to wait a full year until your next birthday, which introduces the idea of measuring time in months and in years.
-they are growing, and changing. the concept of that the passage of time brings change. once they understand it happens to them they will be able to generalize this fact to the world around them- flowers, trees, animals, and all of the life cycles we are surrounded by.
it is so sad to me whenever we, as teachers, tell a child it is their birthday. five year olds should be unable to sit still on their birthdays. they should be jumping beans driving us all crazy with their energy and excitement. their friends should constantly be telling us, "my birthday is when the snow comes", or, "my birthday was at the pool in july." i shouldn't have to say "happy birthday" to a little one and have them look at me confused, like, what's that? or, that's something that other children have- not me.
the idea that there are children who don't know their birthdays is always shocking, but sadly, there are a surprising amount of children each year who come to school on their birthday and have no idea it is different than any other day. they literally do not know when or even what their birthday is.
this is sad on so many levels, but the more i thought about it the sadder it made me. children learn so many basic concepts we take for granted just by going through the experience of a birthday.
birthdays teach children:
-they are important. one day a year is theirs to celebrate, feel special, valued and loved in their families.
-adding- each year they add one to their previous age. it's their most intimate experience with number concepts.
-the name of at least one month, which means they understand what a month is. they begin to understand how we measure time.
-for children whose birthday falls in the teens or twenties, it is an introduction to what numbers look like after 9 when we go to two digit numbers.
-a sense of time. children who know their birthday is coming learn to wait- how to anticipate something- how to count down until that day.
-the concept of a year. you have to wait a full year until your next birthday, which introduces the idea of measuring time in months and in years.
-they are growing, and changing. the concept of that the passage of time brings change. once they understand it happens to them they will be able to generalize this fact to the world around them- flowers, trees, animals, and all of the life cycles we are surrounded by.
it is so sad to me whenever we, as teachers, tell a child it is their birthday. five year olds should be unable to sit still on their birthdays. they should be jumping beans driving us all crazy with their energy and excitement. their friends should constantly be telling us, "my birthday is when the snow comes", or, "my birthday was at the pool in july." i shouldn't have to say "happy birthday" to a little one and have them look at me confused, like, what's that? or, that's something that other children have- not me.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
fat and smelly teacher
there are a million positive aspects of home visits. i'm loving almost every minute of them, and am learning so much about my little ones and their families. so far i have two downsides:
1) taking off my shoes. after a long day of teaching in cute flats my feet leave something to be desired. so every time we walk into someone's house and i realize it is culturally appropriate to take my shoes off my stomach drops. i'm imagining the conference interrupted by a "what's that smell?" from my kid. or worse, their parent. i spent the whole time thinking about my feet.
2) eating. don't get me wrong- i LOVE eating. and i love eating ethnic food. i'm not a picky eater, and i'll try almost anything. but at the moment, because i love eating so much, i'm trying to keep track of my calories. of course, when food is set in front of you and you are directed to "eat all of it, please we made it special for you", or you are handed a glass of liquid and are told this is the student's favorite juice from japan- you have no choice- you dig in. "mmmmm, delicious. what is this?" you ask, only to be given the name in the native language. which is great and exciting except that i have no idea how many calories i am consuming from being polite. stealing a glance at the wrapper doesn't help because it's all in a different language. (and ultimately this means i don't know if it means i have enough calories left to have a glass of wine at the end of the day- which is the biggest problem) i have no idea what i drank a few hours ago.
of course everything else about home visits has been wonderful, and really, it is so sweet when families offer food that i can't complain at all. it's totally worth the extra calories, even when fabulous friend pushed corn puffs into the top of the corn muffins her sister had given us. there is nothing like a five year old tea-party.
but really, if these are my two biggest complains- it just goes to show that i really do have the best job in the world.
1) taking off my shoes. after a long day of teaching in cute flats my feet leave something to be desired. so every time we walk into someone's house and i realize it is culturally appropriate to take my shoes off my stomach drops. i'm imagining the conference interrupted by a "what's that smell?" from my kid. or worse, their parent. i spent the whole time thinking about my feet.
2) eating. don't get me wrong- i LOVE eating. and i love eating ethnic food. i'm not a picky eater, and i'll try almost anything. but at the moment, because i love eating so much, i'm trying to keep track of my calories. of course, when food is set in front of you and you are directed to "eat all of it, please we made it special for you", or you are handed a glass of liquid and are told this is the student's favorite juice from japan- you have no choice- you dig in. "mmmmm, delicious. what is this?" you ask, only to be given the name in the native language. which is great and exciting except that i have no idea how many calories i am consuming from being polite. stealing a glance at the wrapper doesn't help because it's all in a different language. (and ultimately this means i don't know if it means i have enough calories left to have a glass of wine at the end of the day- which is the biggest problem) i have no idea what i drank a few hours ago.
of course everything else about home visits has been wonderful, and really, it is so sweet when families offer food that i can't complain at all. it's totally worth the extra calories, even when fabulous friend pushed corn puffs into the top of the corn muffins her sister had given us. there is nothing like a five year old tea-party.
but really, if these are my two biggest complains- it just goes to show that i really do have the best job in the world.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
home visits
this year my partner-in-crime decided she wanted to do home visits instead of conferences. i LOVE this idea and am planning on accompanying her to all of our little ones' homes. two third grade teachers at our school have been doing home visits for years, and every year we've been jealous of how much they learn about their students from the experience.
last week we looked at the schedule we have ahead of us for the next few weeks and became a bit overwhelmed. we'll be putting in some late nights after long days of teaching. what were we thinking? we tried not to ask ourselves as we settled in with our decision. we've committed for this year- let's see how it goes.
our first visit was last thursday night in an apartment complex near our school. we nervously approached the door, not knowing what to really expect from the next 20 minutes.
the minute the door opened we could see the children's artwork covering the walls of the apartment. the morning messages she'd taken home from headstart hung on the living room walls- at perfect five-year-old eye level so she has easy re-reading access. her handmade picture frame from headstart hung on the wall behind the table. this is clearly a home where the children are an important part of the family.
as we talked the parents told us about the arts and craft area they'd set up in the pantry where their little kindergarten student could work on whatever projects she wanted to try. an art easel sat on the balcony where she could go to paint.
i got so much out of this short visit. nothing made me happier than seeing the home where this little one is clearly nurtured, loved, and encouraged to explore her five year old passions. i wish i could give all of my five and six year olds this nurturing home life.
(not to mention i am totally stealing the idea of turning my bottom pantry shelves into an arts and crafts studio when i have my own kids. what a great way to keep the children busy and near you while you cook!)
we left their apartment with new found energy despite the fact it was late thursday evening and it had been a long week. now i can't wait for next week's visits!
last week we looked at the schedule we have ahead of us for the next few weeks and became a bit overwhelmed. we'll be putting in some late nights after long days of teaching. what were we thinking? we tried not to ask ourselves as we settled in with our decision. we've committed for this year- let's see how it goes.
our first visit was last thursday night in an apartment complex near our school. we nervously approached the door, not knowing what to really expect from the next 20 minutes.
the minute the door opened we could see the children's artwork covering the walls of the apartment. the morning messages she'd taken home from headstart hung on the living room walls- at perfect five-year-old eye level so she has easy re-reading access. her handmade picture frame from headstart hung on the wall behind the table. this is clearly a home where the children are an important part of the family.
as we talked the parents told us about the arts and craft area they'd set up in the pantry where their little kindergarten student could work on whatever projects she wanted to try. an art easel sat on the balcony where she could go to paint.
i got so much out of this short visit. nothing made me happier than seeing the home where this little one is clearly nurtured, loved, and encouraged to explore her five year old passions. i wish i could give all of my five and six year olds this nurturing home life.
(not to mention i am totally stealing the idea of turning my bottom pantry shelves into an arts and crafts studio when i have my own kids. what a great way to keep the children busy and near you while you cook!)
we left their apartment with new found energy despite the fact it was late thursday evening and it had been a long week. now i can't wait for next week's visits!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
on Friday I gave a presentation to our parents at our weekly Friday morning parent coffee on the importance of making sure children get enough sleep. this is something we try to constantly tell our parents- that their children will do better in school if they go to bed early- early as in before 11pm. it's a topic that is a constant struggle. parents all have different reasons- either cultural or practical- to keep their children up late. for some they don't pick their child up from the babysitter until 10, others would never see their child if their spouse put him to bed at 10. some put their children to sleep on the couch in the living room they share with three other families so even if they put their child to sleep on time they can't control the people coming and going from the apartment they are so grateful to have.
during parent conferences I'd made a brochure about the importance of sleep so that we could share it with parents whose children we were the most concerned about. we decided to follow it up with a parent coffee.
friday was one of the coldest days we've had all year a d I was amazed that parents still came out in the cold (considering most of them walk to our school). still they came out to once again remind me how much I love the parents at my school.
they shared their bedtime routines, their struggles, gave each other tips, and told jokes. the room was filled with parents from all over- two Muslim women from an African country sat up front, mothers from Korea, Vietnam, china, south America, a father from Ghana who shared his thoughts in his calming accent (I love the Ghana-accent) while the women shook their heads and laughed at the idea of their own husbands sharing the load.
in many ways I think it was productive. we shared facts about how much sleep children need which was met with gasps. we shared resources the parents could use, strategies to help inforce an earlier bed time. but I was struck the most by the power of the weekly parent coffee. I've presented at them before but it's been awhile and I'd forgotten how amazing it is that my school provides parents with a place to go to share ideas, concerns, and laugh about parenting. I love our parents- their dedication even in the cold, their perspectives, their struggles for their children.
during parent conferences I'd made a brochure about the importance of sleep so that we could share it with parents whose children we were the most concerned about. we decided to follow it up with a parent coffee.
friday was one of the coldest days we've had all year a d I was amazed that parents still came out in the cold (considering most of them walk to our school). still they came out to once again remind me how much I love the parents at my school.
they shared their bedtime routines, their struggles, gave each other tips, and told jokes. the room was filled with parents from all over- two Muslim women from an African country sat up front, mothers from Korea, Vietnam, china, south America, a father from Ghana who shared his thoughts in his calming accent (I love the Ghana-accent) while the women shook their heads and laughed at the idea of their own husbands sharing the load.
in many ways I think it was productive. we shared facts about how much sleep children need which was met with gasps. we shared resources the parents could use, strategies to help inforce an earlier bed time. but I was struck the most by the power of the weekly parent coffee. I've presented at them before but it's been awhile and I'd forgotten how amazing it is that my school provides parents with a place to go to share ideas, concerns, and laugh about parenting. I love our parents- their dedication even in the cold, their perspectives, their struggles for their children.
Friday, May 9, 2008
real teacher appreciation
teacher appreciation week is over, which is good, because i can go back to my normal diet of not eating ice cream and donuts for lunch. (but I thank everyone who fed us, and yes, if the PTO president tells me calories don't count during teacher appreciation week, well, i'll agree.) and of course, that massage was the best gift ever.
until tonight. i logged into my work email just to check before i went to bed and saw an email from a parent. i had emailed her quickly this afternoon updating her on the awesome progress her kiddo made this week. she emailed me back to say thanks for the good news, and thanks for all that i do for her kid.
to be honest, i am floored. in all our interactions, i don't think i've gotten a real thank you yet this year. maybe she heard it was teacher appreciation week, or maybe (what I'm going to believe) she is really thankful, and realizes how much we do for her kiddo.
those two words~ thank you~ meant so much. i joked with my husband that the email was portfolio material. forget mentioning my classes toward my masters degree on my resume. getting thanked by this parent means more than anything else.
i don't really need a week where the world is told to appreciate me. the gifts, the food, the candy, is nice, but genuine thank you and respect all year long mean are going to stay with me on those rainy mornings when getting out of bed and going to work seems like a dumb idea.
until tonight. i logged into my work email just to check before i went to bed and saw an email from a parent. i had emailed her quickly this afternoon updating her on the awesome progress her kiddo made this week. she emailed me back to say thanks for the good news, and thanks for all that i do for her kid.
to be honest, i am floored. in all our interactions, i don't think i've gotten a real thank you yet this year. maybe she heard it was teacher appreciation week, or maybe (what I'm going to believe) she is really thankful, and realizes how much we do for her kiddo.
those two words~ thank you~ meant so much. i joked with my husband that the email was portfolio material. forget mentioning my classes toward my masters degree on my resume. getting thanked by this parent means more than anything else.
i don't really need a week where the world is told to appreciate me. the gifts, the food, the candy, is nice, but genuine thank you and respect all year long mean are going to stay with me on those rainy mornings when getting out of bed and going to work seems like a dumb idea.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
house keeping and the power of play
yesterday i attended the morning sessions of a conference on early childhood. i went last year and continue to be impressed at the speakers and resources this organization brings together. it gives me so much hope for my community that there is an organization like this working out there.
the opening speaker gave us numbers. he told us the number of words a 3 year old hears in a middle class household, compared to the number of words a 3 year old hears in a low-income household. then he broke down those words into the percent of positive words a 3 year old hears in a middle class household vs the amount of negative words, and he did the same for the low-income households. (i of course wrote these down and then left my notes in my car, which on this early Sunday morning seems like a lot of work to go get. So I'll post the numbers/facts/figures tomorrow. today is just anecdotal.)
it was stunning to see how many more negative words are said in a low-income household than positive words. yet truthfully the numbers didn't surprise anyone in the room. when i am in kindergarten for free choice time i am always awed by the house keeping center. there are days i'd like to sit and just listen to the drama in house keeping because it gives me such insight into the worlds of my kiddos.
on wednesday i was in a classroom for housekeeping when i witnessed a 'domestic dispute'. one little girl called the cops on the play phone and then reported to the pretend father and son, "they said just get 'em", at which point the father and son grabbed plastic knives from the play dough center and began to have a knife-fight in the kitchen. when the knives were taken away and the boys were redirected they first tried to argue "the police told us to!" and then "if we're good can we get the knives back?"
when they'd finally forgotten about the knives the pretend father told everyone in the house hold to "GET IN THE CAR! YOU'RE GOING TO COLLEGE" he pointed at one girl, "I'M TAKING YOU TO HIGH SCHOOL AND YOU'RE GOIN' SHOPPING BECAUSE THAT'S ALL YOU DO!! SIT DOWN AND PUT YOUR SEAT BELTS ON. I SAID PUT YOUR SEAT BELTS ON OR I'M NOT GETTING ANYONE MCDONALDS. PUT 'EM ON NOW."
i guess its good to know that his family is pretty firm about the seat belt rule.
the next session i attended was on play. i've always been fascinated on the power of play in school and am now thinking that next year i may do my teacher research on play in the housekeeping center in kindergarten. (more on this later).
the speaker presented her fascinating research from her phd project. for one part of her study she read a story to different groups of children. some of the groups were told at the end of the story, "wow! wouldn't it be fun to build a house for the kids in the story! you could put up walls and doors and give the kids a place to play..." and lots more detailed suggestions about what the kids could do. she then video taped the children working together on building elaborate structures for the story.
the other groups were told, "now you have to go build a house for the kids in the story. you have to put in tall walls and doors and give the kids a place to play..." the exact same "suggestions" the first groups were given, except instead of suggestions they were direct instructions. she video taped those groups as well.
the difference in the groups was stunning. the play groups created elaborate, creative structures and pleasantly debated and shared their ideas for the house. the structured groups ended up in fights as the kids argued over what they were suppose to do and whose idea was best. the structured groups structure were not nearly as creative, but then again she had to stop most of those groups early because fights broke out.
she gave them a post-assessment to see if there was carry-over from the original lesson. the creative groups showed powerful carry-over in skills of working together and building with blocks, and created more elaborate structures than before. the structured groups showed little to no carry-over from their first task.
i was riveted by this research.
when i taught first grade i devoted the last 20 minutes of my day (or how ever many minutes the children earned in our behavior management plan) to a free choice period where they could access any learning materials we use during the school day. the fun indoor recess games were off limits, but they were welcome to play in the science center, explore with the math manipulatives, read books, write letters, or create structures from card board boxes in the art center. i took notes on what they did, and through their choices led them to 'guided learning' on their current interests. it was my absolute favorite part of the day, but a time when i shut the door and never really told anyone what we did during those 20 minutes. free choice is kindergarten stuff, isn't it? i thought, though i knew full well that the measurement skills my kiddos learned during free choice stuck with them longer than what i taught them in math.
now that i have this research i feel a little more secure in my 20 minute free choice time. if i ever go back into the classroom at least i'll be able to back up my plan with research.
i learned so much more on the power of play and am still mulling ideas over in my mind for next year's research project. more to come on that, i'm sure.
sadly i needed to leave the conference early, but i believe my principal won an award from the organization. i'm so excited she received this honor.
i work at such an incredible place.
the opening speaker gave us numbers. he told us the number of words a 3 year old hears in a middle class household, compared to the number of words a 3 year old hears in a low-income household. then he broke down those words into the percent of positive words a 3 year old hears in a middle class household vs the amount of negative words, and he did the same for the low-income households. (i of course wrote these down and then left my notes in my car, which on this early Sunday morning seems like a lot of work to go get. So I'll post the numbers/facts/figures tomorrow. today is just anecdotal.)
it was stunning to see how many more negative words are said in a low-income household than positive words. yet truthfully the numbers didn't surprise anyone in the room. when i am in kindergarten for free choice time i am always awed by the house keeping center. there are days i'd like to sit and just listen to the drama in house keeping because it gives me such insight into the worlds of my kiddos.
on wednesday i was in a classroom for housekeeping when i witnessed a 'domestic dispute'. one little girl called the cops on the play phone and then reported to the pretend father and son, "they said just get 'em", at which point the father and son grabbed plastic knives from the play dough center and began to have a knife-fight in the kitchen. when the knives were taken away and the boys were redirected they first tried to argue "the police told us to!" and then "if we're good can we get the knives back?"
when they'd finally forgotten about the knives the pretend father told everyone in the house hold to "GET IN THE CAR! YOU'RE GOING TO COLLEGE" he pointed at one girl, "I'M TAKING YOU TO HIGH SCHOOL AND YOU'RE GOIN' SHOPPING BECAUSE THAT'S ALL YOU DO!! SIT DOWN AND PUT YOUR SEAT BELTS ON. I SAID PUT YOUR SEAT BELTS ON OR I'M NOT GETTING ANYONE MCDONALDS. PUT 'EM ON NOW."
i guess its good to know that his family is pretty firm about the seat belt rule.
the next session i attended was on play. i've always been fascinated on the power of play in school and am now thinking that next year i may do my teacher research on play in the housekeeping center in kindergarten. (more on this later).
the speaker presented her fascinating research from her phd project. for one part of her study she read a story to different groups of children. some of the groups were told at the end of the story, "wow! wouldn't it be fun to build a house for the kids in the story! you could put up walls and doors and give the kids a place to play..." and lots more detailed suggestions about what the kids could do. she then video taped the children working together on building elaborate structures for the story.
the other groups were told, "now you have to go build a house for the kids in the story. you have to put in tall walls and doors and give the kids a place to play..." the exact same "suggestions" the first groups were given, except instead of suggestions they were direct instructions. she video taped those groups as well.
the difference in the groups was stunning. the play groups created elaborate, creative structures and pleasantly debated and shared their ideas for the house. the structured groups ended up in fights as the kids argued over what they were suppose to do and whose idea was best. the structured groups structure were not nearly as creative, but then again she had to stop most of those groups early because fights broke out.
she gave them a post-assessment to see if there was carry-over from the original lesson. the creative groups showed powerful carry-over in skills of working together and building with blocks, and created more elaborate structures than before. the structured groups showed little to no carry-over from their first task.
i was riveted by this research.
when i taught first grade i devoted the last 20 minutes of my day (or how ever many minutes the children earned in our behavior management plan) to a free choice period where they could access any learning materials we use during the school day. the fun indoor recess games were off limits, but they were welcome to play in the science center, explore with the math manipulatives, read books, write letters, or create structures from card board boxes in the art center. i took notes on what they did, and through their choices led them to 'guided learning' on their current interests. it was my absolute favorite part of the day, but a time when i shut the door and never really told anyone what we did during those 20 minutes. free choice is kindergarten stuff, isn't it? i thought, though i knew full well that the measurement skills my kiddos learned during free choice stuck with them longer than what i taught them in math.
now that i have this research i feel a little more secure in my 20 minute free choice time. if i ever go back into the classroom at least i'll be able to back up my plan with research.
i learned so much more on the power of play and am still mulling ideas over in my mind for next year's research project. more to come on that, i'm sure.
sadly i needed to leave the conference early, but i believe my principal won an award from the organization. i'm so excited she received this honor.
i work at such an incredible place.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
a tale of two parents
we just arrived back home and were thrilled to see the dc spring. it was quite a relief after the snowy roads we drove this morning.
in the airport in denver we joked as we watched a little girl stand in a defiant pose, arms crossed, jaw out, hip to the side. she was waiting to load the plane and looked like if they didn't let her on that minute she might tell them where to stick it with her 7 year old self.
while we waited at Reagan National for our bags i noticed the little girl again. this time i saw her mother, thumbs ruthlessly attacking her blackberry as the little girl slumped on the floor beside her. our bags were late and while we waited over half an hour i never once saw the mother speak to her daughter. despite her daughter's loud sighs the mother never looked up from the blackberry in her hands. watching the mother's face it was clear to see where this little one learned her disgruntled-with-the-world looks.
only a few feet away was another girl, about the same age. she danced around her father as he laughed with her. they didn't talk the whole wait, but enough for her to know that he cared. he watched her while she hopped around, reminding her to be safe, or responding to her off-the-wall questions. on the way out he put her on top of the large suitcase and wheeled her out of the airport, both of them giggling away.
the blackberry-mother put her blackberry away long enough to grab the bags from the belt and she and her daughter huffed across the airport, sighing identical sighs in response to the silliness of the little girl riding the suitcase.
in the airport in denver we joked as we watched a little girl stand in a defiant pose, arms crossed, jaw out, hip to the side. she was waiting to load the plane and looked like if they didn't let her on that minute she might tell them where to stick it with her 7 year old self.
while we waited at Reagan National for our bags i noticed the little girl again. this time i saw her mother, thumbs ruthlessly attacking her blackberry as the little girl slumped on the floor beside her. our bags were late and while we waited over half an hour i never once saw the mother speak to her daughter. despite her daughter's loud sighs the mother never looked up from the blackberry in her hands. watching the mother's face it was clear to see where this little one learned her disgruntled-with-the-world looks.
only a few feet away was another girl, about the same age. she danced around her father as he laughed with her. they didn't talk the whole wait, but enough for her to know that he cared. he watched her while she hopped around, reminding her to be safe, or responding to her off-the-wall questions. on the way out he put her on top of the large suitcase and wheeled her out of the airport, both of them giggling away.
the blackberry-mother put her blackberry away long enough to grab the bags from the belt and she and her daughter huffed across the airport, sighing identical sighs in response to the silliness of the little girl riding the suitcase.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
well said:
A friend just sent this to me.
disclaimer: *this is not meant to support one political candidate or another, it is just an excellent point that is worth reading.*
Amen!
Parenting Tips from Obama Please a CrowdBy Shailagh MurrayPosted at 5:37 PM ET on Feb 28, 2008Washington Post's The Trail Blog BEAUMONT, Texas
-- It's more about heft than hope these days as Sen. Barack Obama tries to lock up victories in the Lone Star State and in Ohio on Tuesday. His speeches are bordering on wonkish, packed with details about energy and education and worrisome talk about the economy. But at a townhall meeting here before a mostly African American audience this afternoon, Obama couldn't resist a brief exegesis on one of his favorite subjects, parenting -- and he got a foot-stomping response worthy of an evangelical church service in reply.
The Illinois senator raised the issue at the end of a lengthy answer to a question about education. After discussing teacher pay, afterschool programs, summer school and recess, Obama added, "Can I make this one last point?" "It's not good enough for you to say to your child, 'Do good in school.' And then your child comes home, you've got the TV set on, you've got the radio on, you don't check their homework, there's not a book in the house, you've got the video game playing." The crowd cheered. Women started dancing at their seats, fists waving. "So, turn off the TV set, put the video game away, buy a little desk," Obama continued. "Watch them do their homework. If they don't know how to do it, give them help. If you don't know how to do it, call the teacher. Make them go to bed at a reasonable time. Give them some breakfast." His words became almost inaudible as the audience shrieked in delight. "Can I get an 'Amen' here?" Obama joked. "All right, all right. Since I'm on a roll, if your child misbehaves in school, don't cuss out the teacher. You know I'm right about that. Don't cuss out the teacher, do something with your child. I'm speaking the truth. I'm telling you, I won't just tell you what you want to hear."
disclaimer: *this is not meant to support one political candidate or another, it is just an excellent point that is worth reading.*
Amen!
Parenting Tips from Obama Please a CrowdBy Shailagh MurrayPosted at 5:37 PM ET on Feb 28, 2008Washington Post's The Trail Blog BEAUMONT, Texas
-- It's more about heft than hope these days as Sen. Barack Obama tries to lock up victories in the Lone Star State and in Ohio on Tuesday. His speeches are bordering on wonkish, packed with details about energy and education and worrisome talk about the economy. But at a townhall meeting here before a mostly African American audience this afternoon, Obama couldn't resist a brief exegesis on one of his favorite subjects, parenting -- and he got a foot-stomping response worthy of an evangelical church service in reply.
The Illinois senator raised the issue at the end of a lengthy answer to a question about education. After discussing teacher pay, afterschool programs, summer school and recess, Obama added, "Can I make this one last point?" "It's not good enough for you to say to your child, 'Do good in school.' And then your child comes home, you've got the TV set on, you've got the radio on, you don't check their homework, there's not a book in the house, you've got the video game playing." The crowd cheered. Women started dancing at their seats, fists waving. "So, turn off the TV set, put the video game away, buy a little desk," Obama continued. "Watch them do their homework. If they don't know how to do it, give them help. If you don't know how to do it, call the teacher. Make them go to bed at a reasonable time. Give them some breakfast." His words became almost inaudible as the audience shrieked in delight. "Can I get an 'Amen' here?" Obama joked. "All right, all right. Since I'm on a roll, if your child misbehaves in school, don't cuss out the teacher. You know I'm right about that. Don't cuss out the teacher, do something with your child. I'm speaking the truth. I'm telling you, I won't just tell you what you want to hear."
Monday, January 21, 2008
testing creativity
I spent a glorious Saturday with the husband wondering through museums. As we made our way through an exhibit on the Wright brothers I was struck by this quote:
We were lucky enough to grow up in an environment where there was always much encouragement to children to pursue intellectual interests; to investigate whatever aroused curiosity. In a different kind of environment, our curiosity might have been nipped long before it could have borne fruit.
~Orville Wright
The exhibit discussed how the Wright Brothers were not considered intellectuals or scholars in physics. They were mere bike repair men who continued to observe, test theories, and alter their plans little by little to make their dream happen.
They might not have tested well under today's standards of NCLB but where would we be without their curiosity?
One of my favorite t-shirts says,
Mississippi. Last in literacy. First in Pulitzer Prizes.
What do we want these tests to measure?
We were lucky enough to grow up in an environment where there was always much encouragement to children to pursue intellectual interests; to investigate whatever aroused curiosity. In a different kind of environment, our curiosity might have been nipped long before it could have borne fruit.
~Orville Wright
The exhibit discussed how the Wright Brothers were not considered intellectuals or scholars in physics. They were mere bike repair men who continued to observe, test theories, and alter their plans little by little to make their dream happen.
They might not have tested well under today's standards of NCLB but where would we be without their curiosity?
One of my favorite t-shirts says,
Mississippi. Last in literacy. First in Pulitzer Prizes.
What do we want these tests to measure?
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Sunday Ministry
My church is working on developing our special needs ministry, which is an exciting process to be a part of. We have a significant number of children with special needs, perhaps because although we are typically a denomination referred to as the "frozen chosen" our church allows for jubilant and excitable little ones. If you're looking for a safe place to bring your little one on Sunday, a place where people wont be upset by the occasional outburst, you'll find our church pretty welcoming.
As this population of children grows we are finding we need to find ways to adapt our ministry to our kiddos' needs. This is an interesting process because church works differently than school. In school we have a set routine, administrators, clear rules, and everything is child-centered. School, I am learning, is a much easier place to work with special needs children. Church is once a week and although has routine isn't set up in a structure that typically accommodates behavior plans, lesson modifications, or adapted expectations. For instance, we can't just say, "Well, he's not bothering anyone when he hums so we'll just let him hum during the sermon."
However, not letting him hum may cause a child to yell, kick, or engage in other more bothersome self-stim behaviors. Which of course bothers other members of the congregation.
In school there is also a more set way of addressing such needs. I can do my little "we all have different brains" lesson and we're done with the questions about "why does he get to sit there?" In church I can't very well stand up and address the congregation about this.
In church you have older members of the congregation who can't hear as well when children aren't silent during the sermon. They don't really care about the different brains lesson, they just want to hear the lesson since they worked so hard to come to church on a very cold winter day. Yet of course our parents of children with special needs worked very hard to come to church that morning as well.
We've debated whether or not to allow children to use stress toys for self-stim behavior during worship. This was finally axed, although I did some stitching projects with two children today.
I'm enjoying this ministry and being able to apply skills I learn in my job at church. I will say though that it is teaching me it is much easier to be a special education teacher than a parent of a child with special needs. I have always had a lot of respect for these parents, but it only continues to grow as we consider these questions in our ministry.
If your church has done something similiar I would love to hear how it works.
As this population of children grows we are finding we need to find ways to adapt our ministry to our kiddos' needs. This is an interesting process because church works differently than school. In school we have a set routine, administrators, clear rules, and everything is child-centered. School, I am learning, is a much easier place to work with special needs children. Church is once a week and although has routine isn't set up in a structure that typically accommodates behavior plans, lesson modifications, or adapted expectations. For instance, we can't just say, "Well, he's not bothering anyone when he hums so we'll just let him hum during the sermon."
However, not letting him hum may cause a child to yell, kick, or engage in other more bothersome self-stim behaviors. Which of course bothers other members of the congregation.
In school there is also a more set way of addressing such needs. I can do my little "we all have different brains" lesson and we're done with the questions about "why does he get to sit there?" In church I can't very well stand up and address the congregation about this.
In church you have older members of the congregation who can't hear as well when children aren't silent during the sermon. They don't really care about the different brains lesson, they just want to hear the lesson since they worked so hard to come to church on a very cold winter day. Yet of course our parents of children with special needs worked very hard to come to church that morning as well.
We've debated whether or not to allow children to use stress toys for self-stim behavior during worship. This was finally axed, although I did some stitching projects with two children today.
I'm enjoying this ministry and being able to apply skills I learn in my job at church. I will say though that it is teaching me it is much easier to be a special education teacher than a parent of a child with special needs. I have always had a lot of respect for these parents, but it only continues to grow as we consider these questions in our ministry.
If your church has done something similiar I would love to hear how it works.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)