Friday, March 29, 2013

Spring Break Woes

Spring break is almost over. I'm not sure how that happened. The whole week was wonky, starting with the snow fall on Monday, and as you can see from the picture, Little Lipstick was not impressed. 

First day of spring break. Not what we expected.

Don't get me wrong. Little L LOVES snow. Her favorite book is The Snowy Day. She loves her snowsuit. She loves putting on snow clothes. She loves watching the snow fall. She loves feeling the snow go "PLOP" on her head just like in the book. She loves watching Mommy walk with her feet pointed out, like this. She loves riding in the stroller while snow falls around her. She just doesn't like interacting with the actual snow. And of course, I'm sure she's not thrilled with Mommy snapping a picture at her distress. 

The snow threw us off our spring-break game. Somehow the week turned into a stay at home and cuddle week instead of a "let's enjoy this week off to get busy and go on adventures" week. 

I spent a lot of this week pondering my decision to be a teacher. It's been ten years since I started. Don't get me wrong, I love my job. I love the work. I love the day to day with the kids and I love the intellectual challenge it inspires in me. 

Perhaps it's the fact that my little brother, five years younger than me, is in the midst of his first year at a big law firm, showing the world how successful he is. Perhaps it's the continued anti-teacher movement in the media, perhaps it's frustrations at work, perhaps it's a looming ten year college reunion  perhaps it's just my yearly "what am I doing with my life" crisis. I'm feeling regret at ending my doctorate program, regret at staying in the classroom, resentment of my enjoyment of my job.

Why do we do this to ourselves as teachers? Why is being a teacher not enough? Every year I hone my craft, become a better teacher, read books and do action research that improves my work in the classroom. Yet it's not enough. 

If I leave the classroom and pursue a doctorate will I miss the day to day excitement of teaching? Will the intellectual stimulation be enough to keep me from regretting a job I'm good at. 

Why isn't teaching enough? How can we make it more than "just teaching" while still being a team player, a member of a collaborative school, and making a true impact on children's lives? Why does it have to be "just" teaching?

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