Two weeks ago I loved my job. This week... not so much. I'm not sure what's happened in two weeks that's made me start to reconsider that feeling, but something slipped. Unreasonable parents? Drowning in paper work? Meetings that keep me from seeing the kids? Trying to keep up with larger expectations while trying to still do what is best for the kids? I'm not sure what happened but somewhere in the last two weeks I lost my grove. An arbitrary paperwork deadline has us cramming meetings in right and left, and of course, cramming meetings in means more time away from the kids. This means I'm missing instructional time (panic, panic, we are getting BEHIND!!) and the kids are getting out of their routines. And if there is one thing that keeps things moving in my room it is routines. Brown Bear, Rock Star, Magical and the rest NEED their routines.
It's been brutal lately.
The kind of brutal that makes me think back to college when I boldly made the decision not to apply to law schools but instead decide to be a teacher. The kind of brutal that makes me ask, 'What was I thinking?' At least if I had gone to law school I would have some respect, from the general public.
Is respect that important? Important enough that I should reconsider my career choices over it?
I'm starting to realize that it is. When things get bad it helps to know that you are working towards the greater good- you are working on something that others appreciate- you are respected for your hard work and dedication.
When things are rough and there is no sense of respect you start to wonder why you are doing what you do. If no one cares, if everyone assumes the worst of your profession, then why are you trying so hard?
Of course it's for the kids- the ones with so little who need someone to fight for them. The kids who need someone to believe in them, whose parents need someone to listen to them, whose families need someone to watch out for them.
But there are times when even the kids don't seem to be enough to get us through it. Or when the emotional drain of it all just gets to be too much.
I have my fingers crossed that in a few days I'll be back to loving my job again. I'll find my groove- hopefully by tomorrow- and be back to realizing that I have the best job in the world.