my name is mrs. lipstick and i have a relaxation disability.

In some totally unfair, cruel twist of fate, our internet has been going in and out- and when it is down it is down for long, extended periods of time. This wouldn't be as much of a problem during the school year, but in my last week of summer break being without internet is absolute torture. It left me with the horrible dilemma- without internet do I clean the house or watch the Housewives of NJ marathon? I mean, look at the torturous questions forced upon me! What is a girl to do? (Clearly not clean the house. Is it even possible to clean the house if you can't check facebook every ten minutes to see what happened while you were slaving away?)

At this moment the internet works, and I am praying it will work until midnight, at which point Mockingjay, the 3rd book in the Hunger Games series will be magically downloaded onto the kindle app on my itouch, so that tomorrow, while I am waiting for the cable guy to come fix our internet woes, I'll be able to find out what's happening in the world of District 12. On the chance our internet is out again, I will be forced to drive to Borders and buy a hard copy of the book.

I know, the woes of my non-working life are just too painful to read.

I need to go back to work. I cannot watch another episode of trashy tv. At this point I am going through a novel a day- I never thought I'd get to a point when I was tired of reading. Volunteer work is over. Other teacher-friends have gone back to school. I re-designed our home office (anyone want to buy a desk?) I've cooked new meals. I've read Southern Living cover to cover. I've spent an hour in Home Depot looking at the millions of different wooden pegs and wondering which one is right for me. I've walked slowly through Target, taking time to pick out just the right back-to-school binders and folders. I've run errands. I hate running errands. I can't even think of anything insightful to blog about, because nothing is happening. It is a sad, sad state of affairs.

What job forces you to take such long vacations? If I want to work I should be able to work. What sort of torture is this?

I realize there is something wrong with the fact I am so desperate for work, but I'd like to think of it in terms of special ed- it's not that some thing's wrong with me, it's that something is different. I have a relaxation disability.

Here is my iep goal for the next few days:

When given a period of 5 days, Mrs. Lipstick will take deep breaths, read for fun, tell herself it is OK to watch trashy tv, and take naps without feeling guilty, with no more than 2 prompts from her husband telling her it is OK to relax, on 3/5 days measured in the time before school begins.