We have been homeschooling for about a month now. My greatest surprise, other than how much I love it, is the stress I feel in being in charge of my daughters' education. This took me by surprise because I've taught many, many children over the years. I've also supported parents in their homeschooling. I've written up homeschooling units, monitored students' progress, adapted for student need, and always felt 100% confident that the child was completing what they needed for that year. So I was not ready for the wave of mom guilt that flooded over me about a week ago. Was I enough? Am I wasting a year of their childhood? What if I explain something incorrectly? What if I don't cover some essential knowledge.
How have I felt confident creating plans for others but am so wracked with guilt when it comes to my own kids? Is this just the way being a mother is? When it comes to our own kids how do we ever know what is enough?
Logically I know my kids are fine. They are nonstop readers and are doing great in math. At the moment I am sitting between them on the couch for family writing time. On one side of me my third grader is converting one of her stories into a play. On the other side of me, my first grader is stretching out her sounds for words in a fiction story about a girl who is moving. I think we are OK. But all my logic does not quiet that little voice that says "what if you are wasting their time? What if this isn't enough?" I think I need to acknowledge that the voice is there and let it push me to be better for them. But I also need to know when to tell it to hush. Remind myself of the good-enough parent. And enjoy our good enough moments.