Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Nervous

Today was it- I finally moved out of my classroom and The Think Tank. My things are sitting in boxes along the wall of the new school- waiting nervously to see what comes next.

I have an active imagination. Perhaps too active at times. And I've had horrible experiences with a previous school so my imagination is on overdrive creating scenarios for me of all the things that can possibly happen next year. The phenomenal administration team that won me over and has me excited to work over there has turned, in my imagination, into fire breathing dragons who are waiting at every step to find ways to crush my teaching spirit, look for any small mistake I make and use it to destroy my career. The imaginary scenarios run wild and I wonder what I was thinking. Then I see the administration again in person and am reminded of why I made the decision. I can breath again, at least, for a little while.

If there is anything I've come to believe strongly in over the years it is that the administration of a school sets the tone of the building. The culture, how hard people are willing to work, how people collaborate, how people treat each other, the humanness of how people interact with one another and the kids all comes from the administration. It means that every school is different no matter how close they represent one another and how closely they follow district mandates.

Moving my boxes over there today I found myself feeling like a college freshman- the confidence and security I'd had before in my comfortable world is about to be completely rocked. We all need now and then- I'd hate to think of who I would be if I'd stayed in high school forever (ummmm, someone with bad taste in clothes, music, and a way-too narrow view of the world). Still, I surprised myself at how young and small I felt walking the new halls, not yet having found my spot or proved that I belong there.

I'll spend the summer nervously telling myself to not listen to the stories my imagination is trying to create and distract myself with keeping up with my crawling little one, taking Magical to the library, summer reading, and enjoying being out of work for awhile. 

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