Dear Paper Towel Dispenser,

Dear Paper Towel Dispenser,
Don't take it personally, but I hate you. Do you have any idea how difficult you've made my life?
Do you have any idea how noisy you are?  Have you ever tried to read a story to a class of antsy kindergarten students while one student bangs away on you, desperately trying to coax a tiny slip of paper out of it?
There seems to be a direct correlation between the number of bangs required to dispense paper and the inches of paper you release. Kindergarteners are smart kiddos- they pick up on this quickly. The only want to get a piece of paper, any size piece of paper, is to repeatedly slam ones hand into the lever on the bottom as hard as possible, causing a clunking sound to echo throughout the entire room. No book, no matter how exciting, can compete with the constant jarring noise of your dispenser.
What's worse, is that 3/4 of the time you don't share your paper.
This is kindergarten. We're learning to share. We spend a lot of time talking about sharing. And yet you, the great paper-towel sharer, seems to refuse to share more than half the time. How are we suppose to get the kids to share if you wont do your job?
Instead you hoard the paper yourself, crunching it up inside so that each time the lever hits you release paper inside yourself, taunting us, because you refuse to actually let the paper slip down so we can get it. Sometimes, of course, just to tease the children, you'll let one tiny corner dip down below. This inspires more banging, over and over again, and occasionally some grunting, until a teacher has to come and tell the student that no, once again, the paper towel dispenser isn't going to work.

I don't ask for much, really. All I want is for everyone in our classroom to learn to read. That's it. It's kind of important. But to do that we need it quiet. It would be nice to have dry hands, but having it quiet is more important. Anything you can do to work on that?
Thanks,
Mrs. Lipstick